Living la Vida Loca (Crazy being the main word!)

Hello Everyone! Hola from Madrid!



Plaza Mayor

I´m coming towards the end of my year abroad and therefore this blog but I still have enough material to blurt at you before its all over! I´m currently in Madrid, Spain for the last stint of my year abroad. While most people have finished their year abroad, I´m doing a 6 week placement at HP (Hewlett Packard, not the sauce!) doing pretty bog standard things like translation, general admin etc. Not very exciting and I´m under no illusion that the "work" I´m doing is of any importance, but the people are nice, it´s good for my Spanish and due to "summer hours", I´m back home most days by 3pm. It´s a hard life. Especially in such an incredible city like this. Anyway, my favourite thing( you may have noticed) on this blog is to tell you about the strange cultural differences I´ve noticed during my travels. And Madrid is no different. I´ve been here for 4 weeks and already have a whole plethora of blog gold to present to you now

Welcome to Madrid

So when I first arrived to Madrid, it was a nightmare. I got in to a cab from the airport to go to an agency to get my keys for my apartment, pay my deposit etc. I gave the cabbie the address and off we went. When we pulled up, we were outside an block of flats. And no sign of the estate agents anywhere. I then proceeded to look like the typical lost tourist, lugging my bags up and down the street, effing and blinding at every corner, melting in 36C heat and just generally looking like a complete Muppet. After about 30 minutes, I gave up and just sat on a bench, contemplating where I was going to sleep tonight and how far I would have to stomp around with these stupid bags. Then from nowhere this man appears and asks if I´m looking for the agency. It turns out that they were in the downstairs of another estate agents, which I had passed about 47 times and it was only after I sat on the bench, that one of the employees of the other agency came out to help me (after having a right giggle at the stupid tourist!) Eventually I got my keys and was taken to my flat for an standard inspection before I moved in. Now they gave me about 20 different keys which open the building front door, 4 keys for my apartment front door and they gave the guy showing me the flat, the key to my room. Now in our flat, each room is locked with a padlock. So when we arrived at the flat, I looked at the man and he looked at me, and we stood there for about 20 seconds outside my bedroom door, before I said that he has the key. He denied this and said that I had it. After about a 2 minute conversation, I finally convinced him that he had this key when he realised that he had in fact lost it. Now instead of calling the office for the spare key, or generally looking for it, he decided the best idea was to unscrew the whole lock, with the locked padlock attached, from the bedroom door. Then proceeded the longest 30 minutes of my life. Watching this tiny Spanish man attempt to literally break in to my bedroom was a particularly strange "welcome to Madrid". Eventually he got it open, and return a few hours later to fix the door. Completely unnecessary crisis averted. Good job.


Possibly less terrifying than the fan.

Well after that excruciatingly awkward encounter, I´ll get back to my observations of Madrid and the Spanish people:

1) The stereotype that Spanish women carry fans everywhere. Completely true. Fans literally left, right and centre. And I'm not talking about small fans either. With the size of some of these fans, these women could cause high speed winds. I saw one woman with a fan on the subway who had a massive, obviously handmade fan. it was very intricate and it had the face of a baby or a child on it, maybe a child or grandchild. This may sound sweet but I´m not kidding you.....this thing was terrifying. I'm talking Spawn of Chucky terrifying. This baby picture looked possessed and every time she moved that fan, those creepy baby eyes just followed you. Truly terrifying.

2) Now Spanish people are renowned for having siestas and staying up late. Whilst the siesta seems to be a bit of a myth (only some shops close), the nocturnal lifestyle of Los Españoles is mental. Loco to the extreme. On my first Friday here, I decided to go in to the city centre at night just to get my bearings and have a little wander around. I arrived at an outside restaurant about half 10 at night and feeling a bit peckish, tried to order some food. The waiter explained to me that wasn't possible because it was too EARLY. What? Seriously, most Spanish people especially during the weekend won't eat dinner until at least 11 and finish up around 2am. And this goes for everyone. People with young kids, teenagers even old people will just be finishing their tortillas around 1am. Since I'm a student, this sort of nocturnal life suits me.......until having to wake up at 7am for work. Spain seems to work on the same timetable as everyone else, just pushed back about 5 hours. For example, you know when you go on a night out and that boring person leaves early because they're tired or a bit too drunk. Well that was me.....at 5am. My flatmates stayed out until at least 7am. Even I can't hack this lifestyle for too long! Spanish people = hardcore.

A hard day's work

3) Now as I mentioned, I'm doing an internship here in Madrid for 6 weeks. Now because I arrived in August, people work summer hours, i.e. get to go home earlier because of the heat, and I thought "Brilliant, 6 hour days! So easy". However, I was not prepared for actually how relaxed the work place was. Seriously, this seems to be a typical Spanish work day (well at my work anyway): get to work, have a chat, go get a coffee, chat for an hour, have another coffee, work for an hour, go for lunch, come back 2 hours later, have a meeting, have another coffee, 30 mins later: HOME TIME. And they're still trying to figure out the causes of the economic crisis in Spain?

4) Since being here, I have noticed that the economic crisis has hit Madrid quite hard. Lots of closed down businesses, lots of people begging etc. but some people have come up with some creative ideas to get by in these hard times. Pretty much wherever you go in Madrid, there will be a Chinese person selling beer out of their bags for a 1 Euro. Literally round every corner, every side street, every square you will be hard pressed to not find someone rattling an empty beer can in your face, asking if you want one. Being the philanthropist that I am, I have invested heavily in these people's future :P (1 Euro for a beer? You can' knock it!) Another good way of earning some quick money is busking. Now of course you have buskers everywhere in the world. However, I haven't met many that play on a crowded train, one quick song between stations and then walk round the carriage asking for donations. No one can say that they didn't listen or walk away. Very intuitive to serenade a large crowd of people who cannot escape. Major points for creativity / hostage taking.



5) I've seen some very strange characters here in Madrid but I've decided to talk about the most disturbing but in hindsight hilarious encounter I've had so far on my Year Abroad. It happened while I was at the local swimming pool. As I was just about to leave, a man lying on the grass asked me for the time. When I looked up to tell him, I was just stunned. Imagine an old man in red speedos who was the colour of mahogany. Kind of like an (even more) leathery, bald David Dickinson. I apologise for that mental image but if I had to suffer it, so do you! He then proceeded to ask if I was English, and if so was I a sailor because the English love boats. He cackled like a hyena whilst applying more baby oil to his cow hide like skin (the image has gotten worse I know!) and I left. There are many things just so so so wrong about that encounter.



Plaza Cibeles

Well I think that's it for now! I've got loads more to tell but I'm going to keep you in suspense and hopefully squeeze another blog post out of these 6 weeks in Madrid. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll post again soon!

 

Andy C



Festivals, Caipirinhas and Death Trap Buggies : A Gringo's guide to Southern Brazil

Hello Everyone!

So its been ages since I've put another post up and since I've now left Belo Horizonte and spent my last day in Brazil in a hotel room alone, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to let you know what I've been up to, the places I've visited and my final observations of Brazilian life.

1) General infrastructure here could do with a bit of a sprucing. The roads ( as I've said over and over again) could be compared to some war zones and when I'm back in the UK, I will never complain about a pot hole again! Also another thing is that a lot of telephone and electrical poles seem to always have some stray wires hanging down, dangerously close to eye level. Shocking ( hahaha sorry I couldn't resist that terrible pun!) The best way to describe the situation with these wires hanging down like some sort of urban rainforest was perfectly put by Emily when she said that Brazil is sometimes like "Spot the Death Trap".



2) Talking of death traps, when we went to Buzios, a beach town near Rio with a big nightlife, we decided that hiring a buggy would be the best option instead of walking miles to all the different beaches. Well, as the only man, I felt it was my duty to drive ( also I just did not trust the girls to drive. Chauvinistic? Most probably. Did it save our lives? Most probably. Just saying. This buggy was interesting to say the least. Imagine a Brum in buggy form. Now imagine that Brum had some sort of mental breakdown. Followed by a severe drug problem. That was our buggy. KT was definitely a buggy from the wrong side of the tracks. I don't think I've ever been more scared to drive something in my entire life. It just sounded ready to explode. Now that I have survived that ordeal, I think its OK for my parents to know since Ann and Big Dave definitely would not have approved.


3) Brazilians have amazing teeth. It is something they are incredible proud of and they take their dental hygiene very seriously. For example, I've caught people brushing their teeth between classes, checking them out in class and flossing in restaurants. Maybe a bit excessive from a British perspective but then again, we are apparently world renowned for having bad teeth!

4)There are stray dogs everywhere. Its a really big problem here in brazil. It can be quite cute seeing all these dogs finding food for each other. Just imagine "Lady and the Tramp" but with less romance and more Rabies.


5) Brazilians live olive oil......on everything. Salads, bread, chips.....I mean everything, If their salad isn't literally drowning in a deluge of Extra Virgen, its considered dry.

6) Brazilians have a pretty staple diet of feijao com arroz (beans and rice). If you don't like either one, don't bother coming to Brazil. You will go hungry. It doesn't matter what type of meal you are having, it will always be accompanied by rice and beans. They eat so much of it that in the supermarket the smallest bag of rice we could find was 5kg. That would probably feed a family og 5......for a day......if they skipped breakfast......and lunch.........and were on a "low carb" diet.

7) Nothing will stop Brazilians from enjoying an ice cold beer. I was at a bar near uni with my friend Anna one night when the power went out, We both expected, like back in the UK, we would have to leave due to some sort of health and safety rules. However, the owner just came round with a few candles and said the bar would be open even later until the power came on because she didn't want to shut up the bar in the dark. Incredible.

8) As you would expect, the majority of Brazilians are obsessed fanatics of football and it is a huge part of the culture here, especially in Minas Gerais. However, what I wasn't expecting was the level of outright mania that happens when a match is on. When someone scores, people go crazy. In the streets, there are screams, honked horns and without doubt, some sort of explosion. I'm not even joking, Not fireworks, literally explosions. If New Year's Eve and Guy Fawkes had a love child, that's what happens. Every time there is a goal. Also the fact that we lived near the Mineirao Stadium, it got a bit hectic. Now when Brazil won the Confederations Cup, it was insane. I didn't really get to sleep that night. Every time I nearly drifted off to sleep......................."BRASSSSSIIIIILLLL!!!!!!!"

Pretty funny the first night. After 5 months of it....nightmare.


So now that my time in Brazil are over, I truly am going to miss this incredible country. I feel so lucky to have lived here and I've made some great lifelong friends. The things about Brazil I'm definitely going to miss are :

- Cachaca - I may go in to caipirinhas withdrawal soon.
- The food. - beyond delicious.
- The weather - 20C is considered chilly. RIDICULOUS!
- The generosity of strangers
- the tendency to end every week, day, hour with an ice cold beer.

Now I'm heading back home to what is considered a "heatwave". Look out for me. I'll be the guy in a scarf and gloves. 30C. Please.

Learning your "pão" from your "pau"

Hello everyone!

I thought it was time to give you some observations I've made about Brazil and the people of Belo Horizonte. Since I'm living half way round the world, you would expect some cultural differences from the UK but wow something's are just too different. Right lets begin:

1)You know when you are listening to your IPod, walking down the street, occasionally singing to yourself (or in my case dancing on a drunken walk home), the second you see someone, you stop immediately out of embarrassment, praying that this stranger ( who you've never met before and will probably never see again) didn't hear you and isn't silently judging you. Well in Brazil, they are completely the opposite. When singing down the street, they have no shame whatsoever. I once walked past a guy in his mid 20's, proudly blasting out his rendition of  Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie". Brazilians have no shame or maybe we British are just too reserved? Well while I'm here I'm going to test this theory. Let's see how the Brazilians respond to my Grease Megamix or the true love song of "Who the **** is Alice?" I'll keep you posted but I'm sure it will go down a treat.

2) As I'm sure I've explained before, Brazil is the most bureaucratic country ever. They just can't get enough of bureaucracy and paperwork. Getting something done quickly or easily is like pulling blood from a stone. Nearly impossible unless you have some sort of family connection which (judging by the size of most Brazilian families) is everyone but me (Mr Gringo).

When we arrived at the university, we were told that in order to enrol we had to get a type of identification card at the Federal Police. SO in true Brazilian fashion, we make an appointment online, fill out application forms, print them off, get copies of passports, visas, etc, pay our fees at the bank and then finally go to the police station across town for our appointments. The girls and I had appointments at 12, 12.30 and 1pm so we went together and arrived at 11.15, just to make sure we were on time. Well apparently making an appointment doesn't mean anything. We all got seen an hour late because some old man from Portugal I believe was kicking up a fuss. He was asking why he had to wait when his son's brother-in-law's mother's aunt's cousin's daughter's hairdresser's niece worked there and family shouldn't have to wait. Anyway eventually I got seen to and I thought it would be a quick 20 minute appointment, asked a few questions and I'd get my ID card. Well I'm sure that is what would've happened if I hadn't been seen by Office Barbie - the most incompetent woman I've ever met. Just to point out, this appointment is very important because if you don't get this ID card within 30 days of arriving to Brazil, you get deported. So understandably I was a little stressed and worried that my paperwork was fine. She got all my documents, spent about 20 minutes crossing things out and asked me one question of "Where you from?". She then stood up and walked off. There I was thinking "I'm getting deported" because she hadn't come back for about 15 minutes. I look down the corridor and there she is, chatting to her friend about how lovely her top is and what she is going to do with her boyfriend that weekend (Eavesdropping is the one advantage of being a gringo. No one expects you to understand Portuguese! )

Anyway when she finally came back, she asked me to go to the man in the next cubicle to get my fingerprints taken. All was going well until my right index finger which apparently doesn't have a recognisable fingerprint. The man spent a good 10 minutes pressing my finger on to this machine, then inferred that my finger was dirty (Great. I come across as a nose picker. Lovely. I was not impressed at all.) Eventually he found a fingerprint and I was allowed to go. All this hassle for a piece of paper which now means that I can now be arrested for crimes in Brazil. Not exactly a great incentive. I'm not saying I'm a criminal but now robbing a bank and starting a drug cartel in the favelas is just out of the question. So inconsiderate. However, I now know that if I do want to commit any crimes, as long as I just use my right index finger, I'm in the clear. :)

3) Brazilians love tattoos. The majority of people here have tattoos and they are not your typical Croydon-esque tramp stamp or the misguided tattoo of an ex's name who you know never speak to anymore but people's tattoos (that I've seen here) are genuinely like pieces of art on skin.  So here's one I've decided I'm going to get. I just hope my parents like it.  Ann and Big Dave this is for you! :)

(I may be 21 years old but I still think my mum would kill me if I got this tattoo!)

4) Once again going back to the bureaucracy of Brazil, it really confuses me. Its so strange that a country that is for recycling, saving the environment and stopping deforestation of the Amazon, they sure do have ridiculous amounts of paperwork. I had to print off over 10 pieces of paper for my Police form whilst one was actually used. And even then Miss Incompetence just scribbled all over it. Come on Brazil, we can stop blaming McDonald's for deforestation now, we know its all you.

5) Brazilians can sleep anywhere. Especially during the heat of the day, you see lots of builders etc just sleeping in the weirdest places. On the pavement, on walls, in makeshift hammocks, when I was in Rio, I saw a man sleeping on a pile of bricks......on top of a moving van. I'm not going to lie, I was very impressed.

6) Now some of you may have noticed that in the beginning of my posts I have written "Oi gente!" which translates as "Hi everyone!" in Portuguese. It is still strange to me that Brazilians use "Oi" as hello here. The first few weeks you are here, you are constantly thinking that people are pissed off with you or that you've done something wrong because you have "OI" yelled at you left, right and centre. Also no one here can understand that saying Oi can be quite aggressive in English but oh well. I think if I bring this back to the UK though, I may have some problems. "Lost in translation" probably wouldn't stop me from getting a beating.

7) One thing I have learnt whilst on my year abroad is that pronunciation is crucial to learning any language. The girls and I realised this last week whilst Victoria and I were in our Brazilian history class. Somehow during the class the word "pau" was brought up. Now this has a very similar pronunciation to the word "pão" which means bread. We were confused what the word meant until we were finally told that it was quite a rude word. It suddenly dawned on us that when we ordered a "pão de queijo" every day at the uni cafeteria, and because we normally asked for it quickly, it was being pronounced as "pau de queijo". And sometimes I had received some very weird looks which I didn't understand until now:

Instead of asking for a "cheese bread" every morning like I thought I was, I was actually asking for a "cheese cock" instead.  This explains some shocked looks and looks of disapproval that the cafeteria women seemed to only reserve for me.  Pronunciation 1 : Andrew 0

So moral of the story: Practice your pronunciation kids.


Well that's everything I can think of right now. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll fill you in with more observations and stories soon. I've got a lot of trips planned for the next few weeks so I'm sure there will be many posts to follow!

Andy C

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

Mountain behind our apartment

Oi gente! Hello everyone!

So 2 weeks ago I went to Rio. Wow. It is so difficult to describe how incredible a city it is. It has absolutely everything you could want. Beautiful beaches, amazing nightlife, friendly people, the list goes on and on. Having only 4 days there just wasn't enough to even experience an 1/100th of Rio but what I did experience was unbelievable. Right so my weekend:

Right so Victoria, Emily and I got a bus from good old Belo Horizonte on Thursday night at half 10. When we got on the bus, I was shocked. There I was expecting a Megabus but actually the seats all had pillow head rests, air con, lots of space. We were living a life of luxury compared to normal buses in Brazil. I was excited to have a nice sleep and wake up in Rio......well, that was until I remembered what country I was in. Remember how crazy I said the buses were here? Well this was no exception. We were bombing down mountain roads in the dark at like 100mph, overtaking petrol tankers on tiny mountain passes, bags were falling down on peoples heads from the racks and more than once whilst finally drifting off, I was literally lifted off my seat, going over some bump. It felt more like one of those rollercoaster simulators than actual public transport.  Anyway enough ranting for one post.

So about 4am, we arrived in Rio. All the roads to Rio are up in the mountains so suddenly after passing through a very dodgy tunnel, Rio de Janeiro just jumps out at you. We had an amazing view of the city from our bus of doom and the skyline view was at least a nice distraction from the dangerously close cliff edges. We arrived at the bus station and got a taxi to our apartment which was 1 block away from Copacabana beach (I can literally taste your jealousy and it is delicious), had a few hours kip and hit the beach. After a few hours of swimming, tanning ourselves and just relaxing in the amazing weather (I believe it was snowing back home??? :P Ok I'll stop now.) we decided to head in to town to get some sightseeing done. We went to a place called Lapa to visit the Escadaria Selarón,  the famous tiled steps created by artist Jorge Selarón who spent decades tiling the steps outside his house as "a gift to the Brazilian people". They truly are amazing and a must see in Rio.

That night we decided to go out clubbing in Lapa. We got a cab to the centre of Lapa and arrived outside a huge strip of very busy clubs. It was exactly like Zante, Kavos, [insert random Greek island] etc and I was absolutely buzzing. We call Victoria's brother but it turns out we are in the wrong place so we jump back in to the cab. We arrive 5 minutes later to a place which Victoria fairly described as looking like a "crack den". To be honest, whilst she thought crack den, I just thought of West Croydon on a Saturday night. We'll anyway it turns out that this creepy crack den turned out to be a really cool underground club. It played the weirdest mixture of music from classic rock, indie, samba and Brazilian rap. From what I understood of the Brazilian rap, the majority of songs were about football and Carnival. Figures. Very odd but there were selling 3 beers for R$13. That's about £4 so I was a very happy chappie.

Train up Corcovado mountain

The next morning we got up early and got a bus to go see Cristo Rendentor or Christ the Redeemer (the big Jesus!). We had to queue for ages to get a cable car up the mountain Corcovado but eventually we went up. It took about 20 minutes and the views from there were incredible. That was until I reached the top. Wow. It was incredible but not one for those who are afraid of heights. It was really windy that day and I can honestly say I know what its like to live in a cloud. We were so high up we had to waiting for the clouds to pass because we literally couldn't see anything! We finally pushed through all the people and took the classic tourist pose but it was worth all the waiting. It has to definitely be one the best experiences I've had and its one less thing on the bucket list!

That evening we went to Ipanema beach to watch the sunset, went out for dinner and had picanha (huge Brazilian style steak, rice and beans) and ended up drinking Caipirinhas at a bar on Copacabana beach. It was moments like this that made me think of all of my friends who were studying really hard, pulling all-nighters, working on dissertations, doing work placements, applying for grad schemes.......wait I've forgotten what I was saying I'm so bored. Now back to my interesting life. (I kid, I kid.....well mostly!)

Sunday was an extremely strange but incredible day in Rio. Charlie , Victoria's brother and his girlfriend Helen used to work with a woman called Giselli who had moved back to Brazil and lived in the outskirts of Rio. We had been invited to a party at her house so we got on a bus and headed out of town. When we arrived at the party, we suddenly realised that it was Giselli's fathers 70th birthday party. And we had just gatecrashed. The gringos had arrived. Instead of being silently judged and ignored like most English people would have done, we were welcomed in with open arms and quickly plied with copious amounts of alcohol and food. We got shown to a table and within 30 seconds, we had filled glasses of beer and a massive plate full of churrasco (Brazilian BBQ). It is easily some of the best meat I have ever tasted in my life.  At one point, an uncle of the family gave me a litre beer, went away for two minutes and asked me if I wanted a new beer. He said he was just making sure that I had a beer. Brazilian families are so hospitable and Giselli's family could not have made us feel more welcome.

This was within 5 minutes of arriving.

Churrasco!

The girls with Zaca, the Birthday Boy.

Well having arrived at around 5pm and being constantly plied with alcohol and food, by about 7pm I was definitely feeling on the merry side. This is turn made me believe that dancing to the live samba band was the best idea in the world. I joined the family who I barely knew and showed them how Samba was really done : British style. This is turn led the band's singer to include the lyrics "the gringo on the dancefloor" in his song, but by this point I was enjoying myself too much so had little time for embarrassment. It was incredible to really experience how the Brazilians party and see what Rio life is like outside of Copacabana and the tourist traps. And I've got to say it was phenomenal.

Well that's about it from my Rio adventure. I'll post again really soon because I have so many  observations about Brazil to tell you about! Enjoy the pictures!

P.S Just a quick thank you to all of you for reading my blog. Finally had over 1000 views and it is very much appreciated!

Andy C

Waterfalls and Cachaca shots

Oi gente! Hello everyone!

After nearly 3 weeks here and after posting many envious photos, I thought that it was time to fill you in on my time here and how different everything is living in the southern hemisphere.

So I'll get rid of the bit you will all hate first. It is SO HOT. Whilst you in the UK are dealing with annoying snow showers and subzero temperatures, Belo Horizonte has been graced with sun, sun and more sun. Since I've been here its got to be averaging about 35C. As I am writing this at 23.37pm its 29C. Although most of you will be envious, I have an admission to make. I wish it was colder. I left Germany with -6C and the UK with frosty 2C so adapting to this heat is difficult to say the least. I may have made a name for myself in Heidelberg as "The Naked Tuxedo Man" but here its more like "The Sweaty Foreigner". You know its bad when people know you're a foreigner, purely because you are turning in to a puddle right in front of them. Not a great first impression.

Anyway enough of that.

Time to fill you in on some observations I have made whilst here about Belo Horizonte and Brazil on the whole.

1) As I mentioned in my last blog, the buses are terrifying. Motorists here are kind of like abstract artists: they hate staying in the lines. Literally cars bombing it down the road at 70mph, zebra crossings are more like striped targets for pedestrians and the bus doors open whilst still driving at like 40mph. I've never longed more for the good old 403 and its gentle ways. Getting a cab is actually worse than the bus. Imagine a mixture of Grand Theft Auto, Formula 1 and Wacky Races. Dick Dastardly and Mutley would be seen as learner drivers here. And at least the fares are relatively cheap when travelling at lightspeed down the highway.

2) People are very helpful here. One woman got on the wrong bus and walked with us for about 10 minutes to make sure we got in a cab straight in to town. Another kind gesture which completely threw me was when I was on a bus rollercoaster ride back from town. I was standing ( well trying to anyway. Its like trying to stand on a bucking broncho) on the bus when a woman offered to take my bag on her lap. This bag contained my passport, visa, wallet, iphone and all my paperwork but I just handed it over. Its sounds crazy I know but I'd been told by many people that this is just the thing to do for people if you are sitting down on a busy bus. The girls were shocked by how nonchalent I was about handing over my worldly possessions but honestly if she had tried to steal my bag, she would  have to have been the Hulk to run through me and about 4000 brazilians all packed in to this bus like sardines. So if this happens to you in Brazil, don't freak out.

3) I started uni this week and the classes are just incomprehensible to me. It's not the portuguese, I'm actually understanding a suprising amount, its the fact that everything is so relaxed. Students walk in and out whenever they want to do whatever they desire : get a drink, get an early lunch, go for a cigarette, talk to their friends outside, the list continues. One girl walked outside, listened to her ipod for about 10 mins outside the door and then came back in. And the teachers just don't even care. Very very strange.

4) They are big on security here. We live in Jaraguá, a very nice neighbourhood, but all of the houses have gates, padlocks, electric fences, the works. Luckily my house doesnt feel or look like Fort Knox compared to some houses around here. Also when we went to the bank, there were metal detectors and 4 armed guards in the equivalent of the local Natwest. Major overkill to me but definitely made me think twice about robbing the bank.

5) You may remember me saying that in Germany, people seemed very prudish and public displays of affection were near non-existent. Well its the complete opposite here in Brazil.Though a very conservative country, Brazil seems to be quite sexually liberated. Public displays of affection are huge here and seems sometimes like these couples haven't eaten dinner for a while since they are eating each others faces. Clubbing here makes Tiger Tiger Croydon look like Sunday Mass.

6) You know when you have drinks and you say "Cheers", it is considered bad luck not to look people in the eyes right? Well we found out last night from a Brazilian friend that it has a very different meaning here. It turns out having friendly eye contact gives the impression of wanting to be "very friendly". So all I know is that I've apparently been coming across as a sexual predator to all the new people I've met. Nice.

7) SUPERMARKETS. They have become the bane of my existence in Belo Horizonte. It doesn't matter what time of day you go to the supermarket, whether for a weekly shop or a quick bag of crisps, you WILL wait in line for 30 minutes, regardless how busy it is. I have never been in a place where the queues take so long. The cashiers just stop when they don't feel like it, they get up and go on breaks without warning and occasionally have a good 10 minute chat with their friend, while both queues build up. Mental.

8) There are a lot of English words in Portuguese as there are in many languages. But instead of pronouncing them the way they should be, Brazilians have developed a way of making these words sound more Portuguese but a little bit ridiculous. Some examples that I found hilarious are "faceybooky" "youtubey" "hip-y hop-y"  "funk-y" and my personal favourite "rap-y" which in Portuguese is pronounced as "happy". So saying you like listening to "happy" whilst browsing "faceybooky" and "youtubey" is completely normal here.

9) Brazil truly is a beautiful country. Last Sunday, instead of getting drunk on St. Patricks Day, we decided to go to the countryside and see a waterfall. We were expecting a slight hike and then hours spent lounging by natural beauty. Instead we hiked up mountains and down rock faces for like 2 hours in 35C heat. Finally we found the waterfall and after much complaining, swearing and many "I'm sure we're going to die here" comments (from the girls! :) ), it definitely was worth it. Incredibly beautiful and not many people have the chance to casually spend their sunday afternoon relaxing by a waterfall. (Also from the pictures, we were half way down the mountain when we took these so imagine how high we climbed!)

10) Lastly, one thing I have realised about going on a year abroad is that when you move to a new country, you have have have to decide what your name is going to be. This may sound strange but for example coming to Brazil, I realised that I would have to be called "André". This may sound a bit pretentious but its the only option I have. Brazilians can't seem to pronounce the w in Andrew and if I used Andy like I did in Germany, it actually gets pronounced as "Angie". Since I don't want to become accustomed to the name of 40 year old woman, I think "André" will have to do.


Right well thats about all for now. I am going to Rio de Janeiro on Thursday for the weekend so I'm sure to take lots of pictures and there will be another post soon!





Andy C

Bem-Vindos ao Brasil!

Ola! Bem-vindos ao Brasil! It’s the one you’ve all been anxiously waiting for: my first Brazil post. Well maybe not anxiously….or even waiting for but anyway it’s here! Right where to begin…….

So I left Heathrow on Saturday evening and flew overnight to São Paulo which was not the most comfortable 12 hour flight. Being 6’3” I can’t exactly sleep comfortably on a plane. I felt like a giant in a kid’s seat. It just doesn’t work comfortably. Anyway when I arrived at São Paulo airport, I got speaking to a really nice old man while I was waiting for my bags. He asked me what I was doing, why was I in Brazil etc. and just being a genuinely nice old man. I explained that my Portuguese wasn’t very good so he would have to speak slowly.  He then began to rattle off in rapid Portuguese for about 5 minutes. I did not understand one bit of it. Just to remind you that this was 6am at this point. And I'm not really a morning person so my comprehension of Portuguese was near non-existent.  It really filled me with confidence about the next 5 months.  It wasn’t until he was holding out his hand and then clicking his fingers, that I realised that this rambling was a ploy to get some money out of me, which of course having just landed, I had none. I explained this to him and he then stormed off looking really hurt. He genuinely gave me a look as if I had really betrayed him. Standard Brit, always making friends abroad. So having been in Brazil for about 5 minutes, I’ve already pissed off a local. This is looking good. 

I then had to wait 4 hours for my connecting flight to Belo Horizonte but after absolutely no hassle at immigration (I was expecting a mini interrogation) and barely a glance at my visa, I boarded the plane and arrived an hour late to Aeroporto Confins in Belo Horizonte. Finally having navigated my way around all these airports at ridiculous o’clock in the morning, I arrived at the airport shuttle from Aeroporto Confins to Aeroporto Pampulha. I just made the bus with 3 minutes to spare and I was looking forward to being able to soak in the Brazilian countryside and take some nice pictures. That would have happened if I had not just boarded the scariest rollercoaster of my life. For those of you that have been to Thorpe Park, imagine Colossus, Stealth and Nemesis all bundled together. We were going about 100mph down the motorway, practically doing hand brake turns off the motorway. It was not the tranquil ride I was expecting.  Buses in Brazil are crazy.  After driving past farmland and a few favelas, I was wondering whether Nottingham had actually sold me down the river and the film “City of God” was actually going to become my reality, we come up a hill (well more like flew at this point) and this giant city appears out of nowhere.  Luckily the bus dropped me off at Pampulha airport in one piece!

When I arrived at Aeroporto Pampulha, a relatively small airport, similar to something like Biggin Hill, I was instructed by my host “father” or “meu pai hospedeiro” to get in a taxi, the house is about 2km away from the airport, not far at all. I approached the taxi rink where 4 large Brazilian men, wearing gold medallions and only 2 buttons done up on their shirts between them and looking like something straight out of the Sopranos proceeded to tell me that my road, Rua Francisco Proença, didn’t exist. I feel ashamed to admit but all I could think was “Why don’t any of you have a satnav?” (#firstworldproblems I know).  However after about 10 minutes of debate, one of the men got out a map and finally found it and another white knuckle ride ensued.  I arrived at my house and after ringing the doorbell repeatedly and calling the house phone, I realised no one was in. It turns out that my host parents are currently on a cruise and all of my housemates had gone to the market. After about 10 minutes of blind panic, imagining me waiting outside this house until the night, the girls finally returned from the market and welcomed me with open arms. As the only male lodger of 8 and to much envy from the girls, I was awarded the best room in the house with the most spectacular view of the city and the mountains in the background. Picturesque doesn’t even do it justice. 

After settling in, I was immersed in Brazilian culture which is mostly revolved around food. The two American girls, Rachel and Neri, whose Portuguese is so incredible they can pass as Brazilians and Simone, the actual Brazilian, also known as our “mães brasileiras” or Brazilian mothers made us a traditional Brazilian meal of estrogonofe (chicken, rice and veggies) and then for dessert, we had brigadeiros. Brigadeiros are like a chocolate mousse which you leave in the fridge, then you cover your hands in butter, grab a ball of the mousse, roll it in your hands then dip it in chocolate sprinkles. It is the messiest and tastiest food I think I’ve ever eaten. The girls then made us the traditional drink “Caipirinha”. With lime, sugar, ice and a whole lot of cachaça, you would expect the usual Andrew Chalmers to be raring to go out and drink some bar dry. Unfortunately the lack of sleep during the previous 36 hours hit me hard and I went straight to bed.  It’s a hard life being a student!

When I woke up the next morning, the house cleaner was in. I found out that it is very common, even amongst lower class families, to have a house cleaner that comes a few times in the week.  I went downstairs and was offered Café de mañha which was coffee, bread, homemade “Pan do queijo” (literally cheese bread) and some fruit. I replied with “Obrigado” or thank you then went outside to speak to the girls quickly. When I returned for my breakfast, it had disappeared.  It turns out that when you are offered food or drink and reply with “Obrigado”, it actually means something like “thanks but no thanks”. Having probably offended another Brazilian in the space of 24 hours especially since she had made the cheese bread herself, Rachel explained to her what happened, I had my breakfast and went to thank her. She seemed very pleased and then showed me how she had completely tidied my room despite me apparently disregarding her cooking!


Well thats about it. I'll try and get some more jealousy provoking pictures for you all when I have a decent internet connection.

So in conclusion: I’m loving it here, it’s hot, the people are incredible and so is the food, and slowly but surely:  I’m pissing off one local at a time.

Andy C

Christmas Time in Heidelberg

Hello loyal readers!

So the Christmas season has officially hit Heidelberg! The Christmas markets are abundant, the Gluhwein is flowing and even some snow has graced us with its presence! This is definitely the best time to visit Germany (despite the cold!).

So now I will catch you up on some of my activities since I last posted.  Well last weekend I went up "Philosophen Weg" with the beautiful Miss Sophie Baker. This is the mountain which overlooks Heidelberg and apparently back in the olden days, this is where intellectuals went to gain some inspiration. Despite a few lovely few hours walk with great company, I came to no life changing epiphanies except that my legs would really hurt the next day. We got some great pictures of Heidelberg and towards the top we came across an old Nazi amphitheatre where they apparantly "didn't" hold any rallies. My judgement on that is still out but it still was very impressive. What was more impressive was a couple working out by running up and down the stairs repeatedly.....whilst Sophie and I stuffed our faces with some bakery goods. :)

Last week, I also went up to Frankfurt to visit my old Dad, who was there on a HP conference. I booked a coach to go up to Frankfurt and back on the Tuesday night. When I arrived at the coach, the driver said in German "You must be picking someone up if you're coming back tonight?" "No, I am visiting my father who is there for work..... and because I'm a student, I cannot resist a free hot meal!" I was then treated to a lovely meal with Big Dave, complete with amazing dessert.

Now on to the Christmas markets. Christmas or "Weihnachten" is a huge deal in Germany. They go all out, no expenses spared. If you have the chance to come Germany over this time, you have to get some Gluhwein. It is similar to mulled wine back home but a lot tastier.....and more alcoholic. I've been trying to avoid the Christmas market for a while because it is near impossible to not end up spending ridiculous amounts of money on all the good food, drink and possible Christmas presents.




At Univeristaetsplatz, one of the main squares in Heidelberg, there is a Christmas shop which is open all year round...and it is incredible. Its like Santa's Grotto on steroids. I have never seen so many Christmas decorations in my whole life but they quite expensive and incredibly fragile. However when you enter this maze of baubles and 50 euro tinsle, you get this weird feeling. I'm not talking about Christmas joy or anything like that, I'm talking about fear. Let me explain. Remember when you were a kid and you and your family went to a family friends/ family members house who obviously didn't have kids? All the cool things you just want to touch and look at, but you've been warned by your mum "not to touch anything or you'll break it"...... thats exactly how I felt in this shop. Incredibly aware of the lonely 5 euro note in my wallet which wouldn't even cover a ceramic sheep on the 300 euro Nativity set. Terrifying.  However if you do get a chance, it is a must-do in Heidelberg. Even if you feel like a bull in a china shop.

The last thing to mention is the snow. Snow is definitely my favourite weather. To the point where I got so excited on Saturday night, I went for a walk at 4am just to walk in the snow. One thing I have noticed though is how the Germans are so efficient when it comes to snow. It snowed about 1-2cm on Saturday night and by the time I had finished my lovely winter stroll about 4.45am, there were already trucks on the road de-icing. The Germans definitely live up to their efficient reputation here. If the UK had had this much snow, all the schools would have been cancelled, cars abandoned in the roads, supermarkets ransacked and people preparing for the Armageddon.







Well thats all I can think of so far. Enjoy the pictures!






Andy C

 

More Heidelberg Fun Facts

Hello everyone!


After my rather soppy post I felt I should once again go back to my roots and talk about some things that I have noticed whilst living in Germany. I have been here for over two months now and I still can't figure this place out:

1) As I expressed previously, Germans love some meat. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack. elevensies; you name a meal and I'm sure there is a meat involved. However, what I have noticed is that meat that can be purchased really cheaply like chicken or beef mince is incredibly expensive here. I'm talking nearly 9 euros for two small chicken breasts. However things like salami and huge sausages are a dime a dozen. Maybe Germans only prefer phallic shaped meats? I'm sure Freud would have a few things to say about that......

2) Germans all carry plastic bags around with them everywhere. Just in case.  Germany is at the forefront of European recycling and my housemate even said that being eco-friendly makes people a lot cooler here. I think it is admirable but some people take it a bit far. Take for example last week when I had a bit of a cold. I was waiting at the bus stop and by getting my phone out, I dropped a tissue on the floor without noticing. I was then pounced on by a very stern Miss Trunchball-esque woman who started berating me about littering. When I explained it was an accident and put the tissue in the bin, she replied " Es ist niemal ein Zufall". Which translates to "It is never an accident." Terrifying to say the least.

3) "Clubbing" in Germany is bizarre. I have deduced that young british people have a stereotype of being "easy" and "overtly sexual" across Europe and when you look at the likes of Ibiza, the Greek islands and so on, its not suprising. Back home you can't escape the myriad of tonsil tennis when clubbing, but in Germany it is the exact opposite. Public displays of affection seem to not exist. Maybe it is due to a conservative upbringing or maybe us Brits really are just too promiscuous but German clubbing (in Heidelberg anyway) is very PG-13. Very family friendly.

4) Having been here two months I still can't figure out what sort of town Heidelberg is. Is it a university town? a place where people retire? A tourist trap? Well from the varied range of people here, I still can't tell. There are lots of students, old people, young couples with families, homeless people, street performers and even a few select celebrities. Well I'm not implying that Brangelina have moved down the road but a few home grown treasures. Such as the infamous "Clapping Man" who without fail, goes down the main high street every day and goes in to every shop and restaurant. He doesn't say a word but merely stands there and claps. He continues to do this until someone else claps and then proceeds to the next establishment. Legend. Another favourite Heidelberg resident of mine is the woman who carries a giant sunflower everywhere whilst wearing the same huge bottle green trenchcoat and a polka-dotted bike helmet. This ensemble may not be on the catwalk in the near future, but she receives a thumbs up for consistency. One point though: she's never been seen with a bike. She may be called crazy but wasn't every visionary and true genius called crazy at some point? :) I'm expecting this particular look to make the history books one day.

Right thats all I can think of right now so Auf Wiedersehen for now.

Andy C

Birthday Celebrations.

Hello everyone! Once again sorry for the sporadic nature of these posts. I've been without a laptop for a few weeks so now that I have one again its time to start divulging the events of my amazingly exciting life.... well maybe not that gripping but you are reading this so maybe.....

Anyway, as many of you will know I celebrated my 21st birthday in good old Heidelberg and althought I was expecting a good night out, I was not prepared for the amount of suprises I had! I will also take this opportunity to thank so many people for really making this one of my best birthdays even though I am away from my loved ones!

So before my birthday began I had some nice Nottingham visitors who travelled from all across Germany to visit Heidelberg and celebrate me becoming an "official adult". So a big shout out to Matt York, Alex Marchbank, Hannah Garside and Katie"KCM" Maloney. I hope you all enjoyed Heidelberg and from the disgusting hangovers we suffered, I'm sure you all had a good night as well.

Then to all the Heidelbergers who came out for my birthday! It was an incredible night out and having been plied with drinks all night even a double tequila shot which was about half a pint (thanks for that Tara!) I throughly enjoyed my night and was in great company!

My next thanks has to be all the people who sent me birthday cards and presents in the post. Due to the slow nature of the German postal system, I managed to prolong my birthday for a good week by still receiving cards, birthday skype sessions and a special care packages from Miss Grace "Crazy Cat Lady" Storr, Christiana "Stavdog" Stavrou and Sophia "Booby" Beeby.  And of course a birthday couldn't go a miss without a special Birthday audio message from Mr Munnery. It really meant a lot to get all of this from people and im sure we will celebrate truly when I return for Xmas!

NOW for the biggest suprise of them all. On the weekend, Mumsy and Papa were planning to visit me in Heidelberg for the weekend which I was incredibly excited for. As I round the corner to the bus stop where they were dropped off, I get my biggest suprise: My whole family had come to suprise me! Mum, Dad, Dan, Sinead, Mike, Lucy, Auntie Mo and even Granny "G's" Mary! This then led to a lovely night out with the family, showing the highlights of Heidelberg, a great meal where we tried out the local cuisine ( my brave future sister-in-law had something called "wild boar". Germans = OBSESSED WITH MEAT), and exposing to Heidelberg's legendary Unterstrasse. Although only here for one day, I was incredibly thankful and had the best birthday weekend I could ask for!


Sorry for the slightly soppy post but it had to be done! Next post will have to be about Halloween or the lack of it in Heidelberg!

Andy C

OKTOBERFEST

Hello everyone!

Once again apologies for the lateness and sporadic nature of my posts but have been enjoying my last week of freedom before lectures begin! It has been pointed out to me that a lot of my blogs seem to be about the bars I am going to and how intoxicated I was. Well this isn't any different :).

Anyway: Oktoberfest.

I can't truly describe how amazing an experience it was. There really is nothing like it and I'd recommend it to everyone. Although a bit on the expensive side, it was completely worth it. We went on the last Saturday of Oktoberfest hoping that it wouldn't be too busy. Oh how we were mistaken. It was a nice sunny day and it seemed the whole of Germany and its friend turned up to Oktoberfest that day. I mean hundreds of thousands of people. Easy. There were around 20 big beer tents which could fit about 10,000 people in each one. Plus all the rides and stalls and food vendors. Mixing German's love of food and beer. Hence thousands of people.

We arrived at around 1pm on the Saturday and decided to just start queueing for a beer tent as soon as we could. As Brits, we were expecting nice orderly queues with barriers and meeting friendly strangers whilst moaning about how our feet hurt. Thats what we do. But oh no. There was not an  ounce of order or decorum. Very unbritish I must say. It was a crazy free-for-all, pack in like sardines until you can't tell if its your friend accidently touching your bum, or the creepy Brazilian man behind you.

However after over 3 hours of painful cattle herding, we finally managed to get to have a table and order some beers. After that waiting, we were all gagging for a drink and the Stein really hit the spot.( A Stein is the big two pint or a litre beer glass. By that point I didn't care how much was in it, as long as it was beer. ) After inhaling our first drinks, we decided to take it a bit slower. Well slower probably isnt the right word. Less rapid is proabably more appriopriate. The next few hours consisted of drinking, singing and general merriment. And of course an Oktoberfest isn't complete without a plate of Wurst. These things are huge. They make even the biggest Adonis feel emasculated.

After several hazy hours and copious amounts of beer, we decided to have a look around and go on some fair rides. Even now, I can't see how that is a good decision but at the time it made perfect sense. Huge amounts of beer and strong G-forces. What could go wrong?

Luckily Miss Sophie Baker took on the role of "Oktoberfest Mum" and advised us that maybe the Ferris Wheel was more suitable to our levels of intoxication. So after this we traipsed back to our hostel and agreed to get up extra early to make sure we got in to a beer tent the next morning.

Well. All I can say is I felt like death warmed up. And probably looked worse. However, we managed to get to a beer tent and spent the rest of the day curing our hangovers with some Bavarian folk music and of course; more beer.

It was an incredible weekend with great people and if you have the chance to go, do. It is the sort of thing that you don't know what you are missing out on until you go. And now I'm already considering missing a week of lectures next year to go to Munich again!

(Disclaimer - If you are from Nottingham Univerisity, please ignore that last sentence. I will be missing that week of lectures due to a prior family commitment. Education rocks. Beer is rubbish.)

Right now here are some pictures. Hit me up with some comments and I hope you enjoy.

Andy C

Heidelberger Herbst

Hello everyone!

I thought it was time to write another blog since so much has happened! I've now finished my course and luckily I passed so thats 8 credits in the bag already! Yesterday on the last saturday of September, there was a festival called "Heidelberger Herbst" or Heidelberg Autumn in English. We were told by our teacher that it was a big flea market down the high street and that it can sometimes get busy.

Well we were in for a shock. It was HUGE. Hundreds of stalls with food and drink and to be honest, a lot of touristy rubbish but it was still amazing. Really great atmosphere but this may have been due to the fact that people were drinking from 10am onwards. Besides all the touristy crap, there were some rather odd trinkets one could purchase. For example, the picture below. Yes, they are penis shaped bottle openers. In various sizes. If your birthday is coming up soon, watch out! One might be coming your way soon (no crudeness intended!).

The night however was even crazier. Throughout the day there had been music and dance acts, mostly children acts who you smiled politely at whilst they tried their hardest to murder some Beatles classics. The night was a whole other deal. There were thousands of people all around the Altstadt going to the various squares to see loads of different acts. It had a real Glastonbury feel to it with the disgusting portaloos and the dancing crowds. Beer was flowing and everyone was loving it. There was even an ice cream shop that had opened its doors to a DJ and created a huge party on the high street. Whilst still selling icecream. Genius.

We saw one band called "The Wright Stuff" who were unbelievable. I'd definitely recommend them. Great vocalists, very talented musicians and up for a laugh. The band who followed them however were definitely on the strange side to say the least. I cant remember their name at all but they were two men, identical twins, who I can only describe as what I'd expect One Direction to look like in 20 years. Still the same crazy hair but time has taken its toll. This is not the most disturbing thing though. They seemed very close. Now I mean really close. Even for twin brothers. They decided to share a microphone and kept staring in to each others eyes for way too long. Hence we christened them: "Twincest" .

Well if anyone gets the chance, I'd recommend coming to Heidelberger Herbst. All the music and bands are free, the drink is relatively cheap, the food is delicious and its a great warm up for Oktoberfest. Oh didn't I mention that? I'm going to Oktoberfest next weekend during my two weeks off from lectures. I hope everyone has a nice week at work/ uni and works hard! :) Sorry about that I just had to rub it in! Will update next week when I'm hungover in bed!

Over and out

Andy C

p.s and yes I'm going to try and get some lederhosen. Here are just a few pictures.  

Best 90s night. EVER.

Hello!

Last night the Erasmus students hit up one of the big "clubs" in Heidelberg which was offering a 90's night. Whilst we all had low expectations, we all had predrinks and made our way over there. What we did not expect was how AWESOME it truly was. One of the best nights in Germany yet. The music was just tune after tune after tune. I'm talking about all the classics like Blink 182, Aqua, The Spice Girls, Vengaboys, Green Day, Macarena, the list goes on and on. If any of you know me personally, then you know that I was in my element. :)

I did make a funny observation about Germans and clubbing last night. In the UK, if you don't have any money for drinks but still want to get drunk, you normally go minesweeping (Munners) where you in effect steal unattended drinks and drink them yourselves, preferably without the person noticing. However in Germany, because they are big time recycling eager beavers, for every bottle or glass you return to the bar, you get 1 Euro. So if you are in Halle02, the club we were at last night and you have no money, just find any empty bottle and run to the bar, your night is already paid for!

I must now apologise for not mentioning my beautiful co-star Abigail "Mannheim" Packer who has been my solid rock since being here. Also I did steal my awesome German joke from her so all credit must be given where it is due!

Much love

Andy C

Heidelberg 1.0

Hello readers!

I've been in Heidelberg for over a week now so I feel I should actually start blogging again! Especially since some friends back home were afraid I was going to be eaten by cannabalistic Germans. Anyway, :

Heidelberg is such an amazing place. It's right beside the river and the Altstadt (Old City) is full of cobbled stones and old buildings. Although this may not appeal to most students don't fret. There are tons of bars and pubs with incredibly cheap alcohol and probably some of the best beer I've tasted in my life. Heaven.

So a few observations I've made so far about Germany since I've moved here:

1)  It doesnt matter how many times you ask for it whether in German or English, you will always get Sparkling water instead of still water. And apparently drinking tap water is taboo. Even though I'm not exactly filling my water bottle out of the toilet, its still better not to mention drinking tap water. Otherwise cue the disgusted looks.

2) Drinking alcohol on public transport whatever time of day is completely acceptable. Cracking open beers on the bus was a bit daunting for my Croydon upbringing, normally used to just downing it before getting in to any mode of transport so this was a novelty to me. Also having a  60 year old woman downing what I can only assume was straight whisky at 11am was a bit of an eye opener but no one batted an eyelid. Whereas my tap water confession made me a pariah on the 31 bus.

3) Everyone here rides bikes. I mean everyone. And no there isnt a specific cycle lane or cycle free zones, they just go anywhere and everywhere and if youre walking in the way, well to them, you are just collateral damage. Or Roadkill.

4) Germans aren't as efficient as we make them out to be. Yes you could practically set your clock by the public transport but in reality, even though bureaucracy and paperwork are their "Gott in Himmel", I've had to struggle to get most things organised here. Getting a phone was hectic. Opening a bank account was worse and even 10 days in, I'm still waiting to here back from my "Hausmeister", the Cavendish Warden to you from Notts Uni for my apartment block. He says "I'll be round in an hour". 4 hours later he says that he will arrange another appointment with me....and I'm still waiting.

5) Although my friends may have joked about how I'll fit in great because I look slightly Aryan, I was not prepared for how many people, Germans and Brits alike mistake me for a German. Not that I have anything against Germans or looking like one but the fact that I look German and my German skills are a bit rusty gives off the impression that I am German, but just a moron.

6) Being drunk does improve your foreign language skills. Trust me I've had lots of practice this week.

7) If you are a vegetarian, don't even bother living in Germany. They have whole aisles dedicated to meat and some pretty questionable ones at that. Meat is their life.

And whilst on the topic of German meats: German jokes are the Wurst.

I apologise for the standard of that joke but I couldn't resist. Well I hope you enjoy this and I'll keep updating you on whats going on in Deutschland.  Also thanks for people who actually read this! I apparently have a lot of Russian readers who are being routed here from a Russian porn site. Sorry lads.

Andy C